Brain Vacation

Last week I was not in a good place. I was filled with worry and angst…unsure of myself and uncertain about the future. Trying not to go back and count all the mistakes I made of made or the choices that I should have done differently….

I needed…someone to protect myself from….myself. Well, my brain mainly. I needed a desperate vacation from my brain. The reality of the situation is, I’m ok. I have a very desirable professional profile (as I’ve been told again and again but every recruiter in Montreal), it’s just a matter of time. I’ve managed my finances and yes I’m certainly worried about money…but, it’s….money. As long as I have some and continue to plan and spend as frugally as possible…I WILL BE OK. But my brain was in panic mode….and I just needed a vacation from it.

Insert: three children (some days five), my dog, a puppy, a cat, and all of the activities that come along with getting three children ready for the day and the occasional referee in the evening. I try to be a bit hands off at night or I think I would burn out from my mommy bootcamp.

Is it wrong that this is my favorite time of the day? :P

Brain: totally gone. I’m lucky if I leave the house wearing socks. Which is even more awesome because I have to take off my boots when I get to daycare, so I walk around like a crazy lady with my big freaking hair in a ponytail, no makeup, sleep still in my eyes, in my pajamas, dropping each child off in their respective classrooms. I’m not sure what the teachers think, but I’m sure they are used to it.

Crazy hair day at school....unfortunately this resembles my every day look...

The general routine is:

• wake up
• wake up the kids
• The kids chose/make their own breakfast (with a little help from me)
• One of the kids helps me make the lunches
• I do the girls’ hair
• I check to make sure they have their mitts/hat/bag/snow pants/whatever other items they need
• Head out the door
• Arrive at daycare, ask one or two (or all three some days) to walk Maggie to the end of the road and back so that she can take care of her morning business.

The little dog has been pretty darn patient with the kids. 

• Put Maggie back into the car
• Take the kids to their rooms
• Return home or go to the grocery/supply store to procure whatever emergency item we need or groceries that we need.
• Laundry/cleaning/napping/whatever house errand that needs attention

Some days I don’t get in that nap….and wow. Those are some interesting days.

Last night was a non-nap day. I ended up eating a few sugar cookies that the kids made, did my workout, then around 9pm ate some microwave popcorn and a half of a cucumber. No shower. No hair brush. Brushed my teeth at 11pm (hadn’t the entire day!!!) and then bed.

SUGAR COOKIES AND POPCORN? Yeah. Whatever works.

Those are real live bags!! Maggie looks like she's had enough too!!

Oh – did I forget to mention that we accidentally locked the puppy in the bathroom, she peed a huge dog pee, I slipped in it, and of course, twisted my bad foot. So I’m limping around all swollen now.

One morning I came back to find my car door  COMPLETELY open. Dog and purse inside. Thankfully we live in a town of 17 000 people so nothing was stolen and Maggie just looked at me like, lady….you got issues.

Brain vacation accomplished!

One morning both girls were crying by the time drop off came around (I guess…parents…you know “these” mornings…) and one morning the little boy was near tears but fought through it. One child was at home sick one half day. And then, because this is a blended family, on Friday we received two more and there are FIVE children here under the age of ten. Since it’s the weekend I’m not really on duty but help out…well….when I feel like it basically. I’m certainly not the most consistent with them. But I figure that’s ok because come Monday, I’m back on duty.

I had planned to leave on Friday and come back on Sunday…but the 3.5 hour drive didn’t seem that appealing…so I’ll leave on Wednesday morning so that I can make my choir practice. I missed last week’s and we have a concert in January so I can’t miss too many rehearsals. I’ll probably sleep for two full days….or think that I’ve lost my hearing because it will be so freaking quiet.

While this has been challenging in ALL SORTS OF WAYS, it’s also exactly what I needed. I needed to be around the noise, I needed to feel like I’m contributing to SOMETHING, and I realize that every so often I need a break from the big city. I love that everyone is so friendly, everyone is so helpful and kind, and it’s just that small town feel that I miss. I also like the fact that I speak English everywhere I go. I really don’t realize just how little English I speak and how much I miss it.

The kids have all gone tobogganing and I’ve chosen to stay home so that the only noise that I hear is the little “tick tick tick” of the wall clock.

Feeling tired as F*CK, but very happy to be in Ontario. And very happy to be coming home on 

Wednesday.