The anger part. It's here today, I guess

I’ve always been scared of anger.
Never sure what to do with it...and thought of it as kind of a wasted emotion....

But it’s here.


Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have any because we are amicable and because he’s been helping take care of me and get started back on my feet again.

But I am so angry right now that my chest feels so tight that it might just explode.

He lied to me for months. He told me everything was going to be OK. He told me that he loves me because of who I am. He told me that we were going to be OK and that we were OK.

Is it crazy that even now I have to stop and tell you that he’s not a bad person? Far from it, in fact. For me to express my anger, I need to tell you that he’s a good man. That all of this is do illogical.

But I am so angry.

He gets to come home every night to the dogs, to his familiar surroundings, to everything that he knows. His home. No longer ours.

I come home to my cousin's house, my cousin’s dogs, and every night I sleep in the basement. The bed is comfortable and the covers are heavy and I believe that I sleep well but it’s dark and lonely and I feel sad most nights.

I listen to The Office to lull me to sleep.

For all of this so I’m grateful because I have the family and friends that I need to get through this tough time. But for the tough time itself I am angry.

I am angry that my brain still does not work properly and gets tired. I’m angry that I still cry every day.

I am angry because I feel like somethings wrong with me intrinsically. I am angry because I feel like I’m never going to find happiness with another person, something I can’t even think of for a long, long time.

I am angry because I was lied to.

I am angry because I’m cold here in Edmonton.

I am angry… Well I have no words. I am just angry.