The jungle of jungles
There were a few weeks that I should have taken the time to write about my online dating experiences. Perhaps...if I was truly ready to move on, if my heart was truly healed and I was ready to settle down (I'm not sure this is a feeling that ever happens...I think...from past experience, one just ends up meeting the right person...and at this point, I'm not feeling all that hopeful), I would find this truly frustrating. But for now, it can be, well, frustrating, but in the most hilarious sense.
A few weeks ago, I met up with John. Yes, this is a fake name. There was something missing during our date...and...his hello and goodbye lacked a lot of enthusiasm. So, I texted him later that night that it was nice meeting him, but that based on his body language, I got the feeling that I wasn't his type, and we didn't have to dance around the issue. Oh, but no! Quite the opposite, he told me. He found me easy to talk to, beautiful, smart, etc, etc, etc. His mom and sister were coming into town that weekend and they were going on vacation, but he had hoped to stay in contact and go out on another date when he returned. Ohhkkkay...maybe my spidey senses were off. He was cute, and yes, he was an inch shorter than me, but that's never bothered me in the past. We did make a few jokes how he was a midget and I was a giant, but other than that, he got my humor. Our second date approached and I could feel his lack of enthusiasm through the phone. Nothing he could say could change my mind. FINALLY, the night before, during our text exchange:
John: I do have some doubts about us working out. The height difference bothers me and I know it shouldn't. I have never dated anyone taller than me.
Me: Oh. Well...If the height bothers you now...do you think it's going to magically disappear?
John: No
Me: Ok, well I feel a lot better because I could feel your lack of enthusiasm. So, now I know what's up. As far as the height, it's a good thing you tell me now....because...sometimes, I even wear HEELS!!! So, good thing we nipped this in the bud! So don't force it. It's no big deal (It really wasn't a big deal).
John: I'm sorry
Me: Don't be. Attractiveness is all subjective. Just cause I'm hot shit and the complete package....doesn't mean that you have to be attracted to me. (I was trying to end things on a joking note here....but obviously John wasn't in the joking mood.)
John: Ok, well, take care.
Me: Well, you too. And date shorter girls.
But like, seriously? First: I haven't met a shorter guy that wasn't falling all over himself to date a taller woman and second: Does this have to be so serious? I wasn't asking him out, he was the one that made the date. Does he have to be so conflicted about it? It's a freaking date. We were going for a walk and a coffee, for crying out loud!!!!!
Next up is Mr. Halifax. This one disappointing me. I was actually pretty fine with John ditching me, because I had a date with Mr. Halifax on the weekend. We hadn't set a date because Mr. Halifax may be going camping, but wouldn't know until Friday. We had chat on the phone, had some texts. So, today being Friday, I sent him a text asking him if he would like to set something up tonight as he's not going camping. "Sorry, I'm going to a friend's BBQ.". Full stop. I'm pretty good at reading things. Maybe it's because of my job....or something... but usually, his text would be followed with a , "but, how about Saturday or blah blah blah".
With every guy that I've met, I've been direct and up front. Not aggressive but assertive, and it's worked for me. There's no beating around the bush, because...well, I just don't feel like waiting by the phone to figure out what the guy is thinking. I text back, "So should we arrange something another day? Or are you just not feeling it?". There, an easy out. It's possible he's just slow with the communications...so there you go. "Another time. I'm just keeping myself really busy because it's supposed to be nice out all weekend.".
Ohhhhhhh, I'm sorry. You only want to hang out with me if it's raining? So, Mr. Halifax (who is originally from Halifax, in case you haven't figured it out), you got your number deleted because...well, you have to be excited and looking forward to going out with me, and...you completely suck. You send me all this, "you have such a beautiful smile", "you're so beautiful", crap...and now you're blowing me off for nice weather!?!
And we had tentative plans for Saturday...and, I don't know how they do things in Halfix, but I'm not the chaser - I'm the tequila, not the lime. So, you can try to find someone else to hang out with when it's raining, which is quite unfortunate, because this summer, it's rained a lot, and it will continue to rain a lot.
Then, there is Jorge. Calm down, he's not a Mexican or a Spanish guy. That's just what I call him. He's extremely smart and bright and caring, but, he's a little bit of trouble. He's very inclusive in all of his plans - but, I don't think that he's...boyfriend material. I think he's "hang around with" material and we've already entered the friend zone. Or I could be wrong, and he's the love of my life. We're meeting up on Sunday at Heritage Festival, which is the wrong place for me because my stomach is sensitive to any dairy and lately sensitive to anything new....but, hey, he's tall, funny, and can carry on a really great conversation.
So this week, I went from four dates (I had to break up with the cowboy and not see him) down to one. ONE. And the guy that I REALLY want to go out with is at the dog park. So far, we've said, "Hey!" twice, and I really appreciate that his dog just ignores Maggie instead of trying to sniff her tiny little butt like all the other dogs that are 50x her size.
I could be like the guy that just walked up to me and asked if I was single. But that seems desperate...and then I would be embarrased...and he could be a mute that has learned to say, "Hey!" for all I know.
I laugh a lot while doing this online dating. I mean, I've dated. Right? It's just that at 39...it's an entirely new jungle. The animals have mutated. Some are strictly there for mating. Some are strictly there for finding their life partner ASAP and they advertise that. And some just post photos of themselves, as if their beautiful faces, artfully posed should indicate some kind of depth and attract interest from the opposite sex. But the best profiles are those with the bathroom selfies, the gym selfies, and the abs. Who knows what I like, what I'm like, but here are my abs ladies!!! Some come and get me!!!!!!
And then...there are the sad profiles...that will never get any hits...and I have to stop myself from adding them...just so that I can give them some advice and help them build a better profile to at least get some ladies.
Another journey. Another page in the book of this weird jungle. This life that that's so much crazier and chaotic than the actual jungle.
A few weeks ago, I met up with John. Yes, this is a fake name. There was something missing during our date...and...his hello and goodbye lacked a lot of enthusiasm. So, I texted him later that night that it was nice meeting him, but that based on his body language, I got the feeling that I wasn't his type, and we didn't have to dance around the issue. Oh, but no! Quite the opposite, he told me. He found me easy to talk to, beautiful, smart, etc, etc, etc. His mom and sister were coming into town that weekend and they were going on vacation, but he had hoped to stay in contact and go out on another date when he returned. Ohhkkkay...maybe my spidey senses were off. He was cute, and yes, he was an inch shorter than me, but that's never bothered me in the past. We did make a few jokes how he was a midget and I was a giant, but other than that, he got my humor. Our second date approached and I could feel his lack of enthusiasm through the phone. Nothing he could say could change my mind. FINALLY, the night before, during our text exchange:
John: I do have some doubts about us working out. The height difference bothers me and I know it shouldn't. I have never dated anyone taller than me.
Me: Oh. Well...If the height bothers you now...do you think it's going to magically disappear?
John: No
Me: Ok, well I feel a lot better because I could feel your lack of enthusiasm. So, now I know what's up. As far as the height, it's a good thing you tell me now....because...sometimes, I even wear HEELS!!! So, good thing we nipped this in the bud! So don't force it. It's no big deal (It really wasn't a big deal).
John: I'm sorry
Me: Don't be. Attractiveness is all subjective. Just cause I'm hot shit and the complete package....doesn't mean that you have to be attracted to me. (I was trying to end things on a joking note here....but obviously John wasn't in the joking mood.)
John: Ok, well, take care.
Me: Well, you too. And date shorter girls.
But like, seriously? First: I haven't met a shorter guy that wasn't falling all over himself to date a taller woman and second: Does this have to be so serious? I wasn't asking him out, he was the one that made the date. Does he have to be so conflicted about it? It's a freaking date. We were going for a walk and a coffee, for crying out loud!!!!!
Next up is Mr. Halifax. This one disappointing me. I was actually pretty fine with John ditching me, because I had a date with Mr. Halifax on the weekend. We hadn't set a date because Mr. Halifax may be going camping, but wouldn't know until Friday. We had chat on the phone, had some texts. So, today being Friday, I sent him a text asking him if he would like to set something up tonight as he's not going camping. "Sorry, I'm going to a friend's BBQ.". Full stop. I'm pretty good at reading things. Maybe it's because of my job....or something... but usually, his text would be followed with a , "but, how about Saturday or blah blah blah".
With every guy that I've met, I've been direct and up front. Not aggressive but assertive, and it's worked for me. There's no beating around the bush, because...well, I just don't feel like waiting by the phone to figure out what the guy is thinking. I text back, "So should we arrange something another day? Or are you just not feeling it?". There, an easy out. It's possible he's just slow with the communications...so there you go. "Another time. I'm just keeping myself really busy because it's supposed to be nice out all weekend.".
Ohhhhhhh, I'm sorry. You only want to hang out with me if it's raining? So, Mr. Halifax (who is originally from Halifax, in case you haven't figured it out), you got your number deleted because...well, you have to be excited and looking forward to going out with me, and...you completely suck. You send me all this, "you have such a beautiful smile", "you're so beautiful", crap...and now you're blowing me off for nice weather!?!
And we had tentative plans for Saturday...and, I don't know how they do things in Halfix, but I'm not the chaser - I'm the tequila, not the lime. So, you can try to find someone else to hang out with when it's raining, which is quite unfortunate, because this summer, it's rained a lot, and it will continue to rain a lot.
Then, there is Jorge. Calm down, he's not a Mexican or a Spanish guy. That's just what I call him. He's extremely smart and bright and caring, but, he's a little bit of trouble. He's very inclusive in all of his plans - but, I don't think that he's...boyfriend material. I think he's "hang around with" material and we've already entered the friend zone. Or I could be wrong, and he's the love of my life. We're meeting up on Sunday at Heritage Festival, which is the wrong place for me because my stomach is sensitive to any dairy and lately sensitive to anything new....but, hey, he's tall, funny, and can carry on a really great conversation.
So this week, I went from four dates (I had to break up with the cowboy and not see him) down to one. ONE. And the guy that I REALLY want to go out with is at the dog park. So far, we've said, "Hey!" twice, and I really appreciate that his dog just ignores Maggie instead of trying to sniff her tiny little butt like all the other dogs that are 50x her size.
I could be like the guy that just walked up to me and asked if I was single. But that seems desperate...and then I would be embarrased...and he could be a mute that has learned to say, "Hey!" for all I know.
I laugh a lot while doing this online dating. I mean, I've dated. Right? It's just that at 39...it's an entirely new jungle. The animals have mutated. Some are strictly there for mating. Some are strictly there for finding their life partner ASAP and they advertise that. And some just post photos of themselves, as if their beautiful faces, artfully posed should indicate some kind of depth and attract interest from the opposite sex. But the best profiles are those with the bathroom selfies, the gym selfies, and the abs. Who knows what I like, what I'm like, but here are my abs ladies!!! Some come and get me!!!!!!
And then...there are the sad profiles...that will never get any hits...and I have to stop myself from adding them...just so that I can give them some advice and help them build a better profile to at least get some ladies.
Another journey. Another page in the book of this weird jungle. This life that that's so much crazier and chaotic than the actual jungle.
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