Eyeshadow Warrior
I had a pretty intense job interview this week - the third of the last – this was the decision maker – and I fell apart.
Internally, near the end of the interview, externally, on the way home, after, hours after, the night before…these job interviews and getting *almost* there, is just draining me. It’s nerve wracking anxiety, it’s like waiting for the results of this big exam to see if you get into Harvard, it’s…well, it’s a big freaking big deal.
After me falling apart, crashing and burning, going home, cuddling my dog, watching the movie Stepbrothers (you know it’s a bad time when that movie comes out, it’s my soothing, go-to movie that I always watch when I’m just not ok), having a nap, cleaning my house, I started to put together a thank you/follow up email to my interviewer. I may not get the job, but like I hell I was going down without a fight. I can’t go into all the details, but I have a friend in the same world as Interviewer who knows Interviewer and the way that the world works at Interviewer’s company, and I forwarded him the email. He thought it was a great idea. A few revisions, a tweak here or there, and it was sent. It thanked him, but it also showed my fire and my passion. And that regardless of what happened, I am the shit. I mean, I don’t currently think that I rock the world, but given the chance, I can rock the world, or at least the auditing world. I started to feel a bit more in control, and life started to feel a bit more in perspective.
I might not get this job that I really want. I might have to go back to the drawing board. I might be a little bit crushed, but if I don’t get the job, it wasn’t the job for me. It’s that simple. It doesn’t FEEL that simple…but it is.
I started thinking back about all of the times that I have crushed it. And all of the times that I have risen up from the ground and all of the times that, without me knowing it at the time, I have been a fighter. I went to Madagascar when I was 29. Almost everyone around me was at least 10 years older than me.
I went to get a proper depression diagnosis, often flying by myself (and often accompanied by my ex-husband or mom) in the USA because I was on an 18+ month waiting list to see a doctor) to the USA and fighting through the medical process, as well going through therapy to learn how to deal with depression and not just shove medications in my face.
I have fought, I have accepted, I have been a warrior. I have to remember that. I feel beaten down because I don’t have a job and I don’t know when I will get a job, but I have to put on that war paint (um…like my awesome new eye shadow that my friend hooked me up with?) and my warrior gear (there’s nothing that makes me feel better than my knock off Spanx) & remember that I am a warrior.
I also have to remember that I have an army behind me. There are so many people cheering, rooting, and praying for me. I forget about it sometimes. When I thought about it yesterday, I was immediately warmed with gratitude. I have people, quite literally all over the world on my side. Ready to support me. Ready to go out of their way. Do whatever it takes.
I am blessed. I am a warrior. I need to remember this. And carry this thought with me always.
Internally, near the end of the interview, externally, on the way home, after, hours after, the night before…these job interviews and getting *almost* there, is just draining me. It’s nerve wracking anxiety, it’s like waiting for the results of this big exam to see if you get into Harvard, it’s…well, it’s a big freaking big deal.
After me falling apart, crashing and burning, going home, cuddling my dog, watching the movie Stepbrothers (you know it’s a bad time when that movie comes out, it’s my soothing, go-to movie that I always watch when I’m just not ok), having a nap, cleaning my house, I started to put together a thank you/follow up email to my interviewer. I may not get the job, but like I hell I was going down without a fight. I can’t go into all the details, but I have a friend in the same world as Interviewer who knows Interviewer and the way that the world works at Interviewer’s company, and I forwarded him the email. He thought it was a great idea. A few revisions, a tweak here or there, and it was sent. It thanked him, but it also showed my fire and my passion. And that regardless of what happened, I am the shit. I mean, I don’t currently think that I rock the world, but given the chance, I can rock the world, or at least the auditing world. I started to feel a bit more in control, and life started to feel a bit more in perspective.
I might not get this job that I really want. I might have to go back to the drawing board. I might be a little bit crushed, but if I don’t get the job, it wasn’t the job for me. It’s that simple. It doesn’t FEEL that simple…but it is.
I started thinking back about all of the times that I have crushed it. And all of the times that I have risen up from the ground and all of the times that, without me knowing it at the time, I have been a fighter. I went to Madagascar when I was 29. Almost everyone around me was at least 10 years older than me.
I went to get a proper depression diagnosis, often flying by myself (and often accompanied by my ex-husband or mom) in the USA because I was on an 18+ month waiting list to see a doctor) to the USA and fighting through the medical process, as well going through therapy to learn how to deal with depression and not just shove medications in my face.
I have fought, I have accepted, I have been a warrior. I have to remember that. I feel beaten down because I don’t have a job and I don’t know when I will get a job, but I have to put on that war paint (um…like my awesome new eye shadow that my friend hooked me up with?) and my warrior gear (there’s nothing that makes me feel better than my knock off Spanx) & remember that I am a warrior.
I also have to remember that I have an army behind me. There are so many people cheering, rooting, and praying for me. I forget about it sometimes. When I thought about it yesterday, I was immediately warmed with gratitude. I have people, quite literally all over the world on my side. Ready to support me. Ready to go out of their way. Do whatever it takes.
I am blessed. I am a warrior. I need to remember this. And carry this thought with me always.
U are definitely a warrior
ReplyDelete