If you are one of the stragglers still reading this blog...now almost ten years old and find yourself innovated and overwhelmed with topic of THE VIRUS , it may be worthwhile to skip this post. As always, I'm writing for me...and I finally need to write about the status of today's world.

It's scary out there. I take PD (Physical Distancing) seriously and this weekend, I went grocery shopping and went and got supplies. My first experience started off nerve-wracking but I was quickly put to ease as both the store and the shoppers complied with all of THE VIRUS prevention rules. It was as if the shoppers and I had some kind of secret meeting outside.

"Ok, Black Kia, You'll start with aisles 8, 9, and 10, and then Green Nissan, You'll taken them once follow her once she's done. And guys, don't touch your face!" 

I posted my story and thanks (and how it was handled on the store's Facebook page because it truly made a difference in my day.)

Sunday I went to Canadian Tire and woah. Not the same experience. The store is dog friendly and she's been going certifiably crazy because yes, she loves dogs, but her true favorite pastime is to show other people how cute she is and absorb she absorbs some kind of energy from them. It's like Vitamin D and the sun. The shoppers weren't really respecting the two meter boundary (and not because of the dog, I attach her leash to the cart and she walks ahead of me. She knows the deal)... and it make me pretty anxious. The worst part was that they didn't have something that I had planned on buying. It wasn't a necessity, but it would come in quite helpful.

I drove home...and then I drove to Home Depot thinking, is this worth me getting THE VIRUS?

Now, is this a paranoid thought or a preventative thought? At this point, I believe it to be a preventative thought. We are to go out for weekly groceries, my item didn't fit in that category. I decided that I would walk in and see how the store and shoppers were situated. Thankfully, Home Depot was so well organized with so few shoppers that I went to get my item.

THIS IS OUR NEW REALITY. 

We want to flatten the curve, we want to keep as many people out of the hospitals (not that I think I would end up in the hospital, but I could potentially infect someone that would end up in the hospital). Ok, so the numbers in Canada are relatively low, but, we are a population that has a physical distancing already built into it in a way. Our population per square kilometre of land are is FOUR. The USA is 36. China is at 148. And while we can learn lessons from China, if we remember SARS wasn't a thing that was over in a couple of months. There will be outbreaks again, hopefully not as bad as the first...ok, I digress.

So what prompted me to write about THE VIRUS?

Currently, my mental health is not great. I mean, pre THE VIRUS. Depression is back and anxiety is high. Thankfully, by some holy miracle, I have help here in Alberta. Not like a two year wait in Quebec...it took me about three months to realize that I wasn't ok, the fix isn't going to be overnight...and just in case you haven't already understood this - MY ANXIETY WASN'T OK PRE "THE VIRUS".

I don't watch TV. I try to limit social media and as of late, I try to limit phone calls. I can't talk on the phone all day because well, I have things to do and it exhausts me. We all have good intentions but we all are going to talk about what's going on because no matter at peace one is with death and in-the-now, it's a scary world. If you are in a safe place with ten years of toilet paper and a cow in your freezer and a generator, chances are, you know and love someone that isn't there with you on your commune. So it's going to get talked about.


So here I am. Easily startled. Quick to jump. Sleeping with a light on sometimes. Watching TV SHOWS where I already know the ending. Drinking tea and hot chocolate. I am crying, but healthy crying. I don't think we could be living through our world's current events without some of us crying and yes, part of it is the depression but not all of it.

I am reaching out. That seems to be my forte when I am not ok, thankfully. I also am distracting myself with projects and no, I don't stay at home and cry and sit and look out my window waiting for the zombies to arrive...but I am working so, so, so hard to be ok. So hard.

I know that in this area, I'm a survivor, I am creative, I am capable of recognizing and remembering that depression plays tricks on your brain.

Near the top of Mount Everest, there are stories that some hikers are found naked with their clothes folded neatly beside them. I experienced a much, much, much milder case of brain hypoxia when I climbed Mount Kenya, and I went all kinds of crazy and in the end couldn't speak properly. In improper conditions, the brain can be one's worst enemy, but, I can change the conditions. I can't change what's going on in the world. I can't change that the mountain is there. But I can distract myself. I can engage in healthy activities. I can continue to fight for proper care, which is, unfortunately, the biggest battle in mental health.

So, another day. Filled with numbers and statistics and predictions and businesses closing. And another day of me coming back to the drawing board to see how I can bring more happiness into my life when I am clinically depressed, physically distancing, and living in our new reality. That last part is a huge win.