I really don't think I'm doing okay lately. But I have to remind myself....is anyone doing ok? I think I handled my move and unemployment relatively well. Add in the quarantine and waiting for this damn job interview, a medication change, and 2+ months of not sleeping great....should I be doing great?

I've been pushing myself hard to attend as many hot yoga classes as I can...but maybe that's not helping with my energy levels? It's hard...and I'm all in as my pass expires at the end of this month...but maybe it's wearing me out too much. Some days walking the dog is tough. Some days leaving the house is tough.

I recently read something that said, "For people with depression, it's all consuming and there are no small victories". I think that's true and I have to start recognizing that it's a victory getting out of bed. It's a victory when I have a shower. It's a victory when I walk the dog. It's a victory when I get enough food throughout the day (eating has been very difficult since January...I have no desire to eat or any appetite...). 

It's also a victory when I let myself have an anxious day without judgement. If it's all that I can do is the bare minimum to take care of myself and my dog...it's a big victory.

The thing that I still find the very hardest is when I have a few good days. Life is easy. Tasks are accomplished. Then that bad day or bad days come...and I feel like I'm back to square one...with no help or motivation. 

I'm so thankful to have a dog that makes me laugh a lot and a few friends that check up on me or know when something is wrong. 

But I feel like I'm missing a lot from my life...mainly a job. I was reading about the effects of unemployment...and there are MANY. So no wonder I am sad, tired, all screwed up. I just have to wait a few more days...and then I can put a back up plan into place if things go south for the job interview. Let's just hope...that I'll be buying a desk to work at home sometime this month...and that I start that awesome job.