Just NB

This song came on today while I was driving and I fell in love with it. It made me think of our first kiss (in the parking lot of a cheesy restaurant about four days after our first date) and everything after. Before "us", I thought that I had to be some kind of perfect version of myself to be in a relationship. I planned to not date for a really long time, until I had reached a place where I felt like I, "had it together". The truth is, NO one has it together 100% of the time, and if I met someone while I was in my imperfect state...well even better because, 1) No one is perfect, and 2) If he can love me with all of my imperfections, then we can really talk business. Business of building a family with a strong foundation, a solid core, and an infinite number of opportunities for the future. I wish I could see it like that all of the time...but I have to admit I have my moments where I think that he is all too good for me. Although.....if I were to make a li...

Some celebrating happened on Friday and Saturday night (both nights with steak...guess I needed me some red meat!). (Also, side note, the meal below is from Good Foods. Click on  this link to find out more about it. It's amazing, affordable, and makes you look all fancy). The first huge celebration, is that little Maggie, is doing just fine. I didn't write about it, but two weeks ago, she was hit by a car. I know. It was terrifying. I'm not all together sure how it happened (other than a car hit her), but I found her on the road, eyes closed, bleeding from the mouth. I gently picked her up, started talking calmly to her, and then the lady that hit her drove me to the vet hospital. She was able to understand her words (like treat, walk, squirrel, etc), but she couldn't open her eyes and she was still bleeding a bit. I was grateful that I would have these last few moments with Maggie, since she was alert, and then I gave her to the vet, and she brought me Maggi...

Lately...I’ve had a few…well, ok, more than a few moments. Many moments. Where I ask myself, Is this really my life? Is this…what real happiness feels like?  With all the changes in my life the last few years (plus struggling with my depression), I have had happy moments, happy days, happy weeks. I think that I laugh regularly. And maybe looking back something felt missing…but I didn’t truly realize it. I felt alone….a lot. But…I was also..kind of used to it. Now…I feel like I’m on the fourth day of a really great vacation that just blows your mind and you think to yourself…Wow, how did I get here? My life is far from perfect. I have family, finance, work, and other life concerns/worries… and I’m scared to say it out loud. But I am. So. Happy. I met this man…who is so wonderful….in so many ways… and I think…was all this hard work leading up to this? If so…it was worth it.  Yep, we’ve only been together for two months. Two short months. But two months whe...

As I may have written, when I visited Alberta at the end of last year, I really had a lot of time to think. I decided that 2018 would not be a year like the last few. I would not fight so hard to win the battles that didn’t matter. I would accept what/who/where I am and make changes along the way, without being so harsh on myself. I also decided that I would go for full out love and partnership -   and if I didn’t get it, I wasn’t going to waste my time with someone that wasn’t prepared to offer it. In fact….I knew that the person I was with was unable to offer what I needed….for quite some time now… I was…effectively morning the relationship before it had ended. Not the best sign….but sometimes you just do what you can do. Not too long ago, I ended the relationship. I thought it would be harder than it was….but the situations as they were….it was a relief. At least if I was at home feeling lonely – it was on my terms. The relationship….had disintegrated beyond recognit...