Just NB

Through all of the laughs and positive feelings I have going on, sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the loss of my buddy.  Of course we are still amicable, friendly even most of the time, and while I see that light at the end of the tunnel, I also am mourning the loss of what was my best friend. It's confusing.  It also seems the hardest on a Monday. 

I had a really good Facebook chat with a friend (stickers added to protect the innocent :P).  (Their conversation is in white, mine is in blue).  It helped me see that maybe, at least for now, I need to settle here for awhile.  Looking forward to forty hour work-weeks, long weekends, and finding a good yoga studio. Still not ready for any of that...but I'll soon start the process to get there.  As for the rest...who knows. 

I went to Sobeys to get some soup for supper, after crying in the parking lot, after having a really crappy day.... I was walking around, thinking about asking one of my closest friend's girlfriend's a couple of questions, because she's been in my shoes. And because we kind of talk the same language. I wanted to ask her if she felt what I felt, if she experienced anything like I had, and then I turn the corner, and she's standing right there in the organic foods aisle. In Sobeys!!!!! I was just wondering when I would see her again, wanting to talk specifically to her, to relate to someone, and here she was. We stood in the aisle, me crying from time to time, her hugging me, and just talking. For a long time. If I felt better or wasn't dressed in embarrassing clothes (at least it wasn't pajamas), I should have taken her for a drink. I talked about everything that I needed to talk about at the time, she listened and then I listened what she had to say about i...

I'm uncertain if I'm being hard on myself or trying to kick myself out of a lazy spell. I have a long list of things to do, regardless if I stay here to live or not, and those errands aren't getting checked off very quickly. In part, it's because I'm tired. Even though I have the best of a bad situation, the stress and dealing with the feelings after a split are hard. Even though I laugh more than I have in a long time, it's still emotionally draining. Sometimes I feel like I'm living two lives because I'm this happy person, who enjoys spending time with people, and other times, I'm a shell of myself dealing with this split up. I'm still having a hard time understanding how I can be so happy and so sad at the same time. Today is a particularly low day, because I'm having a couple of bad stomach days. I know this is mainly due to stress, I'm doing what I can to help things along, but it's pretty exhausting as well. I feel like a ...

Today was another hard one.  I'm starting to figure more and more things out about this process, and although it sucks, I continue to be amazed by the love and support I have around me. I've never felt, like, unsupported, but it's just a really, really, really nice thing that I'm so incredibly grateful for.  Today I had a doctor's appointment to get myself checked out because I've been having stomach issues since Fever Day in Morocco, and that was rough. I wanted to come home and immediately nap, I felt so incredibly tired. I think I've been mistaking stress for tiredness. In general, which still surprises me, I have a lot of laughter in my life, but the stress of a split is exhausting.  Eden had worked a crazy long night, and the beast-dog was keeping her from sleeping, so I took her for a walk, which turned into a really long one because she kept finding friends to play with!!! As much as she drives me crazy (and gives me a rash), this dog is totally my th...

(Yup, that's a reference to that Billy Christy movie? ) For some strange reason, even after I found out that people read my poor-grammer-with-weird-punctuation posts, I continued to write personal junk on here. I still want to write in my blog. I just don't want every post to be all divorcey . I've always written how I've felt or what I'm thinking or how I've cried in 39% of all of the airports in the world...but today's post will be rather divorcey . Again. I hope half of this makes sense...because my eyes are half closed while I'm writing. I'm tired. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel (I spent at least 4 minutes trying to come out with a less annoying phrase. It's late and I can't think of anything). But it doesn't mean that I'm there yet. Or will be anytime soon. I have so many reasons to feel thankful and grateful, and I do. But some days, they are harder to see. And today I think I experienced all of the e...

Everything lately feels like it can be described as, "Firsts".  Doing simple day-to-day things, that now seem totally different and new for me.  First time since my separation started since: I came to my hometown I went grocery shopping I cried until there was no tears left I socialized with friends I laughed so hard I cried I saw family members I spent a day without crying I could listen to music without getting sad The list is probably infinite. Some things are harder, others easier, others seemingly impossible. It's a crazy weird feeling, but it's starting to sink in that this is a grieving process, and that things are  different. It's nor bad or good, just is.  Last night I went for a drink with a small group of friends. For the first time.  I was anxious, feeling like I had some kind if sign on my head that says, "GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE". There were the first few moments of awkwardness, followed by an incredible amount on both said and unsaid love ...