Eeyore
Alright. I like to try and keep my posts like, non-depressing. But the truth is, I’ve been pretty moody lately. Or maybe I’m always moody, but more so lately. While I am beyond excited for the change in my career, something I’ve been talking about as my “in 5 years goal” (for more than five years), I’m kind of feeling sorry for myself about leaving my current job.
In general, the role of an expatriate in a startup project is to come in, get things set up, get everyone trained, get everything going, and then leave. It’s time for me to leave. It’s hard not to take this personally.
I see a need for me to stay, and I don’t want to let go of it yet. Although I think the change will do me good in countless number of ways, I kind of have the same feeling as if I was getting fired or laid off. Sometimes I think if I did things differently, I think about the "if only"s, etc, that I would still stay in Finance and run a smoother ship.
The truth is, although I make jokes about me "riding on the coat tails of my husband", it's partially true. I also know that a big part of why I’ve been offered the opportunity to work in another group is because of Louis’ group really needing him to stay.
However, the truth is, over two years ago, I came into the department as a team of one, I’ve established processes and procedures, and created a functioning group. While I think the team needs me for a little longer, it may very well be time for me to go. As I leave, I'll truly be putting my work to the test. (I’ll be down the hall from the group, so I can check in from time to time.)
And, the truth is, the group will be successful. Perhaps maybe not in the way that I had envisioned, and maybe there will be a few more bumps in their road - but a success is still a success.
Finally, the truth is, if I’ve been able to secure a job here because Louis’ group still needs him, chances are highly probably that I’ll end up proving my own work and worth once I start in the new position.
Meanwhile, I still have four weeks left.
These past two weeks have dragged on. I’m cleaning up my last bit of work and it’s not exactly the most motivating process in the world. I try to sit back and focus on the good things, but from time to time (okay, a lot lately) I feel a little sorry for myself.
The future looks extremely positive and exciting. The “feeling sorry for myself” phase will pass. Even better, tomorrow’s my day off.