Just NB

I know you're all dying to see my pedicure so here ya go. Hope you weren't eating breakfast while reading this. :) It's a little bit more bright than I'd normally do, but I wanted something different since it's been a gazillion months since I've had a pedicure. You also get a view outside my office. Which I'm currently trying to organize. Beleive it or not...it looked worse than this for the last six months. The pedicure place was awesome, I'll totally go back, especially since they'll take appointments on Sundays. More personal grooming news: It's been at least a month since I shaved off part of my eyelashes. They are growing back...slowly. I'm getting my hair dyed here. I found a place that I'm comfortable enough giving it a try. Worst case scenario is that it looks brutal and I'll buy a box of brown hair dye and ask a friend to help. Well, actually, the worst case is that my hair falls out, but that's a little c...

It doesn't happen often, but I'm really happy it's a Monday. Myspace and Orkut Comments from www.webpagecollection.com Saturday I (think) I got some things worked out at work that will help my stress and/or confusion level, Saturday night I went to a party on the beach, but left early enough so that I could stay up and watch crappy TV for an hour or so, and yesterday I watched TV in bed and then went to meet a friend and his new girlfriend (who is very nice). I'm happy to start a fresh, new week. (Sorry for the cheeze).

Sometimes I write mega personal blog posts and then don't post them because I don't want just anyone or everyone to read them. Today I don't care. I want to write this, and then look back in a month to see that things have improved. Also, Disclosure: Tomorrow I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm just having a rough...I don't know...period. (Not like "menstrual period" but like, "time period"). Looking back on my blog, my life, everything, they seem to happen from time to time. The only difference is, even though I've been here for what seems like forever, I live in a weird world in weird circumstances. Sometimes the weirdness of it all is...overwhelming. I'm not sure about this expat thing. I'm not sure if I'm happy doing it. I'm not sure if maybe I'm just having a bad day, or a bad week, or whatever. I'm not sure if I'm just not adjusting to having my Canada home in a city I don't know (renting a car in Septe...

I haven’t written anything interesting on here for a while because I had a whole lot of interesting to say. And if I’m totally honest, I don’t even know if I like it here anymore. I don’t know if I’m happy here. I don’t want to freak out my family that reads this, but I’m really unsure of what the next steps in my life are going to be. (Also, you can’t worry because you know whatever happens I always end up on my feet). Here’s what I know: I know that Louis would like to do another project and I know that I absolutely have no idea what I would like to do. His contract ends March 2014 (my current one ends May 2013), so he’ll stay at least that long. I think. I’ve considered not trying to renew (we all know the dramarama that comes with the contracts) and having a long distance relationship for a year. I’ve considered staying here another year (given the option). I’ve considered quitting and going back to Canada, live off of my savings and take an entry level job somewhere, just somet...

So while biking, cycling, and eating, I thought I had this new like, outlook on life. No more worrying . Just enjoying what's around me and what's happening right now. Staying calm all the time and not getting worked up. How could I worry or get stressed when I was able to see such a beautiful, incredible place? How could the word "worry" even exist in my vocabulary after seeing the Italian countryside???? And then I got to Milan where my flight was cancelled. Ok, small set back, I'll look through my Italy pictures, I'll return to the carb induced calmness..... Yeah. And that's going to last how long? Not worrying, remaining calm, no stress - it's all pretty freaking easy when my biggest decision for the day is if I'll ride my bicycle up the lovely countryside or if I'll have another glass of wine with my homemade-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-Italian meal. Work is stressful. Being away from family and Canadian (and Belgian) friends is stres...

I think the number of posts per week can correspond to the week that I'm having. Zero posts means I'm having a bad week. One or more posts per week means I'm havine a mega, really super, overboard shitty week. They happen to everyone. But when they happen to me, I think it's because I'm not strong enough to be an expatriate, that I should never have left Canada, that I should probably go home, that I shouldn't have been married because I'm too dramatic, that things will probably end up to be so bad that I'll end up living in my parents' basement (that neither one of them have), eating Beef-a-roni and eating ice cream from a four litre bucket (I've never tried Beef-a-roni), weighing 150kg, watching re-runs of the Golden Girls while bleaching my moustache (which is currently naturally blonde, but since this is the worst case scenario, I have know grown dark, thick facial hair). I know I have a lot going on. I know that I don't adapt well ...

I don’t know how to not sound like a jerk while writing this. Although, I was, in fact, a jerk. Last night I was at the gym, cycling and sweating my face off. A colleague came and was trying to get the elliptical trainer to work, but it wouldn’t. He went and asked the Help Desk to assist, as it was clear that the electrical plug-ins weren’t functioning properly. The Help Desk Guy, who has helped me out many times, came over and started trying different outlets. Before I go any further, I need to say, I like ADDICTED to knowing how many kilometers I’ve cycled. I know the machine probably isn’t that accurate. And that it really doesn’t matter as long as I work out, but I WANT TO KNOW THAT NUMBER. Friendly Help Desk Guy started unplugging various machines, I thought it would be PRETTY OBVIOUS not to unplug mine, but of course, he did. And I FREAKED OUT.   And I yelled. He plugged me back in. I was livid. How dare he unplug my machine?! Didn’t he know that I check ...

Some days I want to pack up my suitcase and leave. A friend/co-worker (who I met a month before I went to MG even though we worked in the same office) was returning from vacation this week. After the long haul flights (Canada all the way to Antananarivo), they received news that a family member was in a very bad car accident. Back in Toamasina, we all just waited for news. No one really had any. I found out yesterday that the family member is in critical care. Things are extremely serious, and although things look positive, the family member and the rest of the family are in for a very long recovery period. My knee-jerk reaction is that I want to quit and move back to Canada. I email and keep in touch with my family and friends, but I miss out on a lot of their day-to-day lives and I always worry what would happen if someone got sick. Or worse. Living in fear is not any way to live. But sometimes the thoughts of what could happen…when I’m so far away…are overwhelming. Source I rememb...

Alright. I like to try and keep my posts like, non-depressing. But the truth is, I’ve been pretty moody lately. Or maybe I’m always moody, but more so lately. While I am beyond excited for the change in my career, something I’ve been talking about as my “in 5 years goal” (for more than five years), I’m kind of feeling sorry for myself about leaving my current job. In general, the role of an expatriate in a startup project is to come in, get things set up, get everyone trained, get everything going, and then leave. It’s time for me to leave. It’s hard not to take this personally. I see a need for me to stay, and I don’t want to let go of it yet. Although I think the change will do me good in countless number of ways, I kind of have the same feeling as if I was getting fired or laid off. Sometimes I think if I did things differently, I think about the " if only "s, etc, that I would still stay in Finance and run a smoother ship. The truth is, although I make jokes about me ...

For some reason I feel like I'm forgetting an important date or something. Like either March 1st or March 3rd is a date to remember... Anyway, I am on the not-so-sh*tty flight back to Tana. We waited on the runway for over a half hour SWEATING (after being delayed one day, and then again another four hours). All was fogrgiven when I was passed a glass of champagne and followed by a pretty decent salad. Ideally, I like the appetizer and then the desert - the main course is always a let down and too much, but on nearly EVERY flight I've ever tried to order just the appetizer and desert, I am met with much confusion, and usually don't get part or all of my meal. Now I just take a few bites, push it around to make it look like I've eaten some, because it's much easier. I know flight attendants have A LOT to do while they're in the air, but it always amazes me how this is such a hard thing to get right. Ok, enough rambling. I'm sure I'm being more than a ...

After our amazing but short time in Morondava, we were off to Tana and then onto Johannesburg and then to Cape Town. The timing of the flights worked perfectly so that I could get my mom to this crazy market with *almost* every Malagasy artisanal souvenir available (except for dyed necklaces made from seed beads and pumpkin seeds – which are a bit hit. I pay $0.50 for them at the market back home. We finally found some in the Tana airport for $20 EACH. Um, no). Anyway, I started to be cranky and not feel well. I didn’t want to talk to the driver (who is actually a hero of Toamasina, because his driving skills prevented an armed robbery last year), I didn’t want to talk at all, I was hot, sweaty, and felt gross. We got to the airport and I started to feel worse. I was cranky and snappy with my mom. I went through passport control and felt like I wanted to fall apart. I had an internet card to use, but I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on my computer. I was a ball of nerves and at ...

I officially had a great weekend. Not to say that the last few weekends, but this weekend, was a blast. Friday night started off with a great run, then baking like....five dozen more sugar cookies (by the way, running and baking sugar cookies is totally counter productive...), and then getting a good night's sleep. Saturday night we had reservations at a new restaurant. It was a very dear friend's birthday, and Sergio and I had organized an impromptu surprise party at the restaurant. The birthday boy was surprised, loved his little gifts (I had found something for him in Paris that I was dying to give him!!) and we had a great night!!! Although...I may have had a few too many Ti-punches (prounched TEE-POOUNCH). They were tasting soooo good and I was sooo thirsty....and it had been a long, emotional week. So the drinks kept flowing. Ti-punch is like a really good lemonade....but with rum, of course. I was a bit apprehensive at first about Saturday night - there were about ten o...

I am really in need of a day, an hour, or a moment, where I’m all like, " WOW, Madagsacar is so beautiful. I’m so inspired .", " It’s such an honor and a blessing to be here" . Or, " OMG, it’s so fun here. The weeks are hard but the weekends make up for it !!!" Because right now, and for the past few weeks, Madagascar life has just been pretty dry. There have been a few outings, a few get-togethers (I’m not calling them “parties”, because “party” we did not), but nothing really…..spectacular. I still feel like I have.... a pretty perfect life. But...I'm in need of some fun. Some...inspiration. Something. A year ago, there were at least fifteen people at any point in time just jumping to get together and socialize and celebrate being in Madagascar. Fast forward a year, and everyone is set in their own lives, their own routines, and they go on their day-to-day life just struggling to get by. For the most part, forget planning parties and outings…it’s jus...

I had a conversation this week with Sergio, telling him that I was sick of being stared at. It’s not my imagination, when I go anywhere where it’s not just expats, I’m stared at. Gawked at. Like, they stare at me like I’m a freak from the circus. Every move is watched. At first, it was intimidating. Then it was annoying. Then I stopped noticing. But now, I notice. And I’m tired of it. I’m sick of being watched. I would like to just… blend in. That’s right, my wish, while I’m in a country filled with petite, tiny people, of a different skin color and culture, is just to blend in. For my wish to come true, I’d have to like….get REALLY tanned, lose about…100lbs, and get some kind of surgery to lose at LEAST six inches off of my height. Actually, more than that. Probably eight or nine. I guess the lesson of the week is to get over the crap that I can’t do anything about.

Equation #1: Being a girl + homesick + sick = overemotional 2 . Firstly, now that I've reached the age of 30, perhaps I should start referring to myself as a woman (urgh). Second, my sick is only a throat thing that's being treated and will get better. (Also, the servers are down at work and it's a national holiday and no one is in the office, so I can feel less guilty about having a sick day.) Third, the overemotional feelings are temporary. I highly doubt my overemotional state is a long term thing - regardless of how much it sucks right now. I sometimes feel guilty for being sad, because....well...as I've said about a bazillion times, I'm so freaking lucky. I have this crazy amazing job that I love (even though it's harder some days than I'd like to admit), I have great supportive friends and family - here and the rest of the world; I have a roof over my head; food in my belly (well, maybe not this second....the throat thing is limiting my appetite...so r...

Just got back into Tamatave this morning. On my To-Do List (apart from the normal stuff like...get my butt back to work, etc): 1. Go through about eight thousand pictures of elephants, giraffes, impalas, lions, crocodiles, zebras, etc. 2. Accept that I'm living the life of an expat for at least another year and a bit. After that, who knows? Planning further ahead than that...isn't an option right now. I'd also like to learn how to remember how to appreciate the expat life like I did when I first started. And keep in mind that the crappy parts just make the great parts seem all the much better.

I’m just so tired. If I was living back in Canada, I wouldn’t be worried. But because I’m living here, I instantly start analyzing the situation and wondering it has something to do with my expat life...Am I not tough enough to stick it out here? Is this lifestyle not for me? I find that in the span of ONE day, or ONE week, or ONE rotation – I have a lot of ups and a lot of downs. When I lived in Canada, I don’t think I had such ups and downs… or at least not all in the same day…or in the same hour… But as an expat? In the span of one day I can be mad, thrilled, frustrated, happy, calm, elated, and overwhelmed. Can I choose all of them??? I know I’m not the only expat that goes through this…a lot of people have talked to me about the ups and the downs. It helps to know that I’m not entirely crazy and that others experience the same feelings. But…while I’m going through the feelings? It’s not much comfort. Life could be – much, much, MUCH worse. I have my health, great family ...