Just NB

Well, the big day finally came. I somehow survived a week of intense anxiety (mixed with excitement) until Saturday. I woke up feeling pretty good actually. I ate, went to the gym, and even stayed for a second class to try to wear off as much energy as I could. (I joined the Zumba train. I look like I'm like, loser drunk, but it's totally worth a laugh and some cardio as well!!). I was late getting to the airport, like the drive wasn't already driving me insane!!! I watched the GPS showing a countdown of how many minutes until I'd be at the airport. I was focused on driving...getting there on time...but seeing "12 minutes to destination" then "6 minutes to destination"...well, it was just a crazy feeling. Totally inexplicable. Totally overwhelming. Somehow, I made it on time and waited...feeling shaky but dry eyed. (I know, right?) I anxiously watched as the doors opened and finally I saw Louis. Cue the waterworks. (I was getting a little...

Every post that I've tried to write since my big announcement has come off incredibly defensive and like, Oh woah is me. I've hit "Delete All" too many times. So I'll try it again. I feel like I am so lucky, so blessed, and that I am so fortunate to live the life that I live. But I've been feeling like that for some time - before this big decision was made. Going through tough times...well, for me anyway, made me realize just how much time and energy was wasted being unhappy. And now? Since Louis and I are back together (in some kind of odd-but-feeling-totally-natural kind of way), I still feel like that blessed person...only more so. Because now we have another chance together. Ok, so we're in for a tough road, counselling, moving, adjustments, blah blah blah (Or Bob Loblaw for any Arrested Development fans), but...this decision wasn't hastily made. It was made because I made a commitment; because I truly believe that when I married Louis, I mar...

I wonder about the people that read my blog (I see you on Google Reader, yet I never see you comment, I have never understood that).. Is it some kind of car-crash effect? You can't turn away from watching the mess unfold? Today wasn't my best day, and there are some behind the scenes issues where I wasn't surprised that I felt so blue/crappy, but I tried, I guess. I went to this river that I drove by that always looked nice. The dog came with me and she had a freaking party. So many things to smell and lots of room to run around (by run around, I mean I tell her to go one direction, then call her back and tell her to go the other direction, because she is always on a leash as she is listening-challenged and/or I am lacking in Ceasar Milan training). She even conquered her fear of drinking water from a container outside of her cage. I'm not kidding. She's scared of containers and she's scared to drink water from any bowl outside of her cage. Big steps. Anyw...

I'm thankful that I had the help of Louis' ex with my wallet/no electricity issues. That I have the dog (and that they don't really want it back...they kind of like having a break from her - while I enjoy her...well, most of the time. I'm getting almost used to the panic-attack barking if there is a bird/bug/wind/lightning/fart/etc) to run around with (or really, I just stay in one place and tell her to run one direction, then tell her to run the other direction, and she repeats this for fifteen to twenty minutes until I get bored. This is hilarious and we both look pretty stupid. It would be awesome if she could listen and I could take her off leash). I'm thankful that I sort-of have Skype with Louis (the lack of connection is painful most times, but worth it in the end). That I've driven around town, quite frequently without my GPS and now have succesfully driven in rush hour Montreal traffic (and survived!). But this week has sucked. I'm sure it ha...

After my last post yesterday, I went to Best Buy and Walmart to cross off a few things off my list. While I was walking through Walmart, I saw a shirt I could use for the gym for $8. I'm low on shirts (well, until Louis comes back with all of my suitcases, I'm low on everything....), so this was an awesome deal. I put down my Best Buy bag and my wallet, which I typically wear around my wrist. It has my credit card, bank card, Alberta license, spinning card (worth $150, I think), and a few dollars in case stores' debit/credit machines weren't working due to the power outage. Oh, and my house and car keys. I held the shirt up to see if it would fit (yeah, not the best method ever and that's just ONE of the reasons I return almost everything I buy), and then I picked up my BB bag and wallet. Or so I thought. I got to the cash register...and no wallet. I had a flashback of putting the wallet down and not fully picking it up. I raced back...it wasn't there. I w...

So yesterday wasn't my favorite day in the whole world. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Louis, but I wanted it to be over as soon as possible. Louis' flight didn't leave until the evening, but the last day is always errand day. I swear next time I'm going to make him finish all his errands and have that day as "Do Nothing Day", because having Leaving Day and Errand Day is almost like torture. He was going to take a taxi to the airport, but I decided to be brave. Unless I find the job I'm looking for in the next couple of months, he's going to be leaving and I have to accept that. He drove there, I was off and on teary eyed, but overall it was painless. Until I had to say goodbye. We couldn't find a cart, things just weren't working quickly and I ended up being in the "Goodbye Parking" for about ten minutes. I know what works best for me is being there for about 60-90 seconds. It's ripping off the bandaid so qu...

Louis flies out of Canada at 19h50 today. Boo. I've had the odd five minute tear fest...but overall, I'll be okay I'm trying to be okay. I have lots of plans and preparations made for the next six weeks (assuming I don't find a job, but from now on that goes without mentionning). The theme of the next six weeks will be finding social networks. I have a few connections already, I just have to make a bit more effort. The past two weeks have been almost like a honeymoon. Previously when we were both in Canada, we both had a million errands to do, whereas now, there's just one of us with errands, some of which I can help with. Louis was more relaxed, I was more relaxed, and we got to enjoy each other's company and do fun things and not just errands. Also spending five days in Quebec City, randomly seeing different family members, really helped me so much. I'm going to an intense spin class tonight, which I hope will help. Oh...and I have Maggie with...

I blabber on about perspective and how it makes such a big difference, but right now, everything pretty much sucks. Nights suck. I guess they are a little easier when I take a gym class...so I guess I'm taking a gym class every night. I didn't take one tonight because spinning last night knocked me out. On top of it, Louis doesn't have internet in the camp at the moment, so we haven't seen each other's face in awhile, and his work is ridiculously, crazy busy. So I'm here. No friends. No family. A borrowed dog for the week that is ridiculously high maintenance. I've tried to find a continuing education course I can sign up for, but I quit because my computer crashes non-stop. I thought I'd get a head start and register for something before I leave for Borden on Sunday, but I think I'm way behind because I should have registered in May...but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. When I'm back from Borden, I can find a day-time ...