Just NB

Even thought I've been back in Canada for nearly a year, my living circumstances have been all over the place. Prior to that, I had ALL my meals planned out for me. Might be nice for some...but I actually like cooking and I liked coming up with ideas of what to eat. That something died in Madagascar. I can't think of anything to cook. I eat weird combinations of foods, super super easy meals, prepared food, and a lot of eating out. I'm not happy with my eating regime...or my weight. And while I'm reading and researching  different ways of eating, it all comes down to the same - there has to be some kind of order. I've tried meal planning for months. I've failed more than I've succeeded. I looked on-line about ready-made meal plans...but never found anything affordable or that interested me. Louis had mentioned soscuisine.com before, and I thought about it, but it ended there. Now that we are both back in Canada, have the girls some of the time, and...

So I've written about "all these plans to look forward to", but I haven't eluded to much else. There's lots of change to come and lots of travelling. Two weeks from now I'll be somewhere over the ocean...or maybe in London. I'm flying Edmonton to Calgary to London to Johannesburg to Tana to meet Louis. We'll fly to Toamasina Monday morning, he'll go to work and I'll hang around camp or whatever. I can't remember if March is still warm enough for me to get some pool time in...but I hope so. Two weeks later, we'll both fly to Tana to Joberg to London, where we'll part ways for about a week. He'll fly to Montreal and I'll fly back to Edmonton. After dropping off his suitcase and spending a bit of time at home, Louis will join me in Edmonton for the month of April. He'll help me pack up, spend time with my friends and family, our friends, and spend some time together in good ol' Etown. (At an undetermined date) We'...

Well, the big day finally came. I somehow survived a week of intense anxiety (mixed with excitement) until Saturday. I woke up feeling pretty good actually. I ate, went to the gym, and even stayed for a second class to try to wear off as much energy as I could. (I joined the Zumba train. I look like I'm like, loser drunk, but it's totally worth a laugh and some cardio as well!!). I was late getting to the airport, like the drive wasn't already driving me insane!!! I watched the GPS showing a countdown of how many minutes until I'd be at the airport. I was focused on driving...getting there on time...but seeing "12 minutes to destination" then "6 minutes to destination"...well, it was just a crazy feeling. Totally inexplicable. Totally overwhelming. Somehow, I made it on time and waited...feeling shaky but dry eyed. (I know, right?) I anxiously watched as the doors opened and finally I saw Louis. Cue the waterworks. (I was getting a little...

Every post that I've tried to write since my big announcement has come off incredibly defensive and like, Oh woah is me. I've hit "Delete All" too many times. So I'll try it again. I feel like I am so lucky, so blessed, and that I am so fortunate to live the life that I live. But I've been feeling like that for some time - before this big decision was made. Going through tough times...well, for me anyway, made me realize just how much time and energy was wasted being unhappy. And now? Since Louis and I are back together (in some kind of odd-but-feeling-totally-natural kind of way), I still feel like that blessed person...only more so. Because now we have another chance together. Ok, so we're in for a tough road, counselling, moving, adjustments, blah blah blah (Or Bob Loblaw for any Arrested Development fans), but...this decision wasn't hastily made. It was made because I made a commitment; because I truly believe that when I married Louis, I mar...

I'm nervous to post this 'cause it all sounds a little crazy. Maybe this is a harsh statement to make, but I'm not a positive person. It's one of the reasons I worry too much, it's one of the reasons I'm not as happy as I could be, and it's actually one of the reasons that I like/am good in my field. There's actually an old-school auditing exercise where you ask yourself, "WCGW", as in What Could Go Wrong , then all of the the possible "wrongs" are listed, and then rated them according to severity and probability. Without even thinking, I do this in my daily life. This is part of my personality, it's part of my history, and, it's part of my future. My Buddhist nun books that I'm reading highlight that everything in the world is in a constant state of change, in which this case, I'm thankful for. In 2007 or so, I read the book, Eat, Pray, Love . (I didn't watch the movie. I wanted to have that book in my head...

I'm thankful that I had the help of Louis' ex with my wallet/no electricity issues. That I have the dog (and that they don't really want it back...they kind of like having a break from her - while I enjoy her...well, most of the time. I'm getting almost used to the panic-attack barking if there is a bird/bug/wind/lightning/fart/etc) to run around with (or really, I just stay in one place and tell her to run one direction, then tell her to run the other direction, and she repeats this for fifteen to twenty minutes until I get bored. This is hilarious and we both look pretty stupid. It would be awesome if she could listen and I could take her off leash). I'm thankful that I sort-of have Skype with Louis (the lack of connection is painful most times, but worth it in the end). That I've driven around town, quite frequently without my GPS and now have succesfully driven in rush hour Montreal traffic (and survived!). But this week has sucked. I'm sure it ha...

It's hard to believe that this was a year ago ! 'Cause even though we've had a lot of moments like this: We've had a ton of moments like this: Sometimes I think that it's just our marriage that has bumps and ups and downs. Because we're from very different cultures and upbringings and we work weird hours and have a weird lifestyle. At the end of our workday, it's pretty hard to give our relationship the attention that it might need. Whatever the reason or however we make it work, I can't imagine my life any different right now. I am so incredibly lucky to have my best friend along side me in the jungle. And my best friend is a pretty amazing person. I had these like weird/unknown expectations for our first anniversary. So yeah, I kind of wished I had a "Celebrating Anniversaries for Dummies" because I don't know what we're supposed to do. Well, I think a normal person would think that they are supposed to do what...

I'm still really not used to this kind of life. It's taken me 3.25 years for me not to break into a sweat in the airport. OVER THREE YEARS. I didn't realize what was going on the entire time, I just always thought airports were really warm. No, I freak out. I remember once landing in Toronto en route to Edmonton and literally soaked my tshirt and I had to buy a new one in the airport. I could have used it to mop the floor with. Add Louis into the mix and oh boy!!! Did we ever have some fireworks! I think the last time we flew back together, I made him a promise that I wouldn't cry for 48 hours. HA! I had a few tears and it was probably the most drama-free flight that we've ever had together. There have been flights where I boarded the plane in Montreal, BAWLED myself to sleep (we have those cool pods so no one could tell) and we started to speak to one another in Antananarivo - a mere like 30 hours later. And what we fight about? One person giving the other pers...

Show up at work thirty minutes late because Louis and I are both TIRED! (We're so bad....we got to work at 07h00!) Call my mom as I wasn't able to get through the night before (no tears) Work until 12h00 and head to the cafeteria....with hopes of having that amazing cutlery again. Try to hide my disappointment that we're back to the "pretend" forks again. Work until 18h00 (slacker day...get to work early and leave early....) Went for a run Had a quiet supper and went to bed early. Almost slept through the entire night! So, it's like that. Life is back to normal (whatever that means) and the thing that I think kept me going was knowing that I'd see most of my family in January and that I spent two weeks with my mom in November. The tears and the drama pale in comparison to two years ago when I was here around the holidays. Two years ago, it seemed like everything was so chaotic. Now it's even more chaotic, but in a way that's....I don...

DRAGged my butt out of bed. I think we were an hour late for work. Worked until noon, and then go to the cafeteria for A SUPER AWESOME MEAL! Like, this never happens!! To actually ENJOY the food we're provided? Wow! It was pretty funny because there was like a crowd of people surrounding the cutlery area. For Christmas....we got to use...REAL FORKS!!!!!!!! We usually get these forks that look like metal...and feel like metal...but if you use a little too much pressure to pick up your scrambled eggs...either the fork tines fall in weird angles, or the handle itself collapses. Our other option is plastic cutlery. Yesterday, there was this stir around the cutlery area and everyone around was holding up their forks saying, LOOK!! LOOK at the fork I got!! The thing is - I'm not joking. This is both sad...and hilarious. Went back to our place and Louis worked for an hour or two. Watched a few episodes of Mad Men. It's only taken me 3 years to start watching the series...

{Yes, the point form is lazy...but I can't think of a way to write out the day's events. I must be ready for a vacation!} Arrive in Toamasina around 07h00 on the charter - thankfully!!!! Felt mega nauseous. I think it's due to lack of sleep and my stupid attempt to drink Malagasy coffee Get sick. Spend an hour and a half resting...come back feeling actually pretty good all things considered! Get a very thoughtful gift from my wedding-witness. Work until about 18h00 or 18h30. Go for a run with an awesome Santa hat that lights up!!! (You get the idea.)   Meet up with my Expat family at the Tropibar for laughs and story-telling. Literally - various hilarious versions of "The Night Before Christmas" - tailored to our current environment - were read aloud Oh, I can't forget to put up some pictures of our Christmas house! (So yeah..we're one of 3 houses that put anything up (but one does have like a serious...

I know what I want to write but I don't know how to write it properly, so forgive me because I'm just going to do a brain dump. Sometimes Louis sucks. And sometimes I suck too.We work weird/long hours, we get tired, we are different yet the same, and sometimes, Louis sucks and he annoys me and we argue and I don't always see all of the wonderful things that he does and the wonderful person he is and I/we don't always appreciate the day-to-day stuff.  Source  Yesterday, Louis made my heart burst (geez....I feel like I'm writing a cheezy romance novel now) because he truly, truly cares and he is truly an amazing person. Even if he sometimes sucks. I gave my grandparents a call the weekend before my grandpa's surgery. We chatted like normal, and I planned to call them before the surgery. My plans didn't work out (and as much as I complain about feeling lonely, I am horrible for not picking up the phone more often) and I didn't call. Louis had b...

Today at lunch, a collegue from Canada that we haven't seen in a long time came up to congratulate Louis and I since she hadn't seen us since we got married! We talked about the day, how the surprised that we were planning turned out better than we could have ever planned for. I haven't looked at the pictures from the day in a while...and sometimes, I don't think of it as that big of a deal. It wasn't something that we planned for a year, it wasn't something that everyone in our lives got to see, it wasn't this..production. It was just one day out of a gazillion that Louis and I will spend together. I still think it was awesome, but I also think that my views on weddings have changed a lot. I think that for some people, they totally work! For others...not so much. I used to think that maybe for our ten year anniversary we'd have a wedding...but even that sounds daunting, I'd much rather have a party like we had back in February. From allll of t...

Adjusting to a blended family is never a streamlined process for all parties . I've had struggles, and although it's never been officially talked about, I'm sure Louis and his girls had to learn to adapt to the +1. It's still not a streamlined process, which is fine by me. I never thought that Facebook comments would impact me like they did today. I post this picture, but didn't tag anyone. Louis tagged the girls, who both clicked "like" on the picture. Along with 10 (now 11) of our family members and friends. The comment I like the best is from one of the girls' friends that translates to, Cute family! And we are. I'm not their mom. (Or even their step-mom). I don't see them every day, or talk to them every week, but we are all somehow linked. We've spent the last two years figuring out how to interact with each other, in a way that works for all of us. We're probably still figuring it out. (I still struggle with bicke...

So that meltdown I was talking about . It was just kinda stupid. Where to begin... Oh, I know! I DON'T LIKE HIKING . It's all great to get out, and walk and stuff, but it bores me to death. I love the things that I see while hiking, but I just think it's like...I don't know. Painful almost. (Which again makes my Mount Kenya adventure sound even more stupid). The Isalo hike sounded like fun. Okay, no, it did not sound like fun, but the things that we were going to see and do sounded like fun. The last hike we did was in Ranomafana Park and I wore long pants and my hiking shoes. I was super uncomfortable and hot. So for this hike, I decided to a skort (I hate that word) and what I refer to as my "grandma sandals". They are kind of like hiking sandals, that I bought last year when I was in Tofino , but look like something that a grandma would wear. The hike started off pretty early, so I made sure to drink enough coffee. Off we went. You can see the major...