Just NB

I'm nervous to post this 'cause it all sounds a little crazy. Maybe this is a harsh statement to make, but I'm not a positive person. It's one of the reasons I worry too much, it's one of the reasons I'm not as happy as I could be, and it's actually one of the reasons that I like/am good in my field. There's actually an old-school auditing exercise where you ask yourself, "WCGW", as in What Could Go Wrong , then all of the the possible "wrongs" are listed, and then rated them according to severity and probability. Without even thinking, I do this in my daily life. This is part of my personality, it's part of my history, and, it's part of my future. My Buddhist nun books that I'm reading highlight that everything in the world is in a constant state of change, in which this case, I'm thankful for. In 2007 or so, I read the book, Eat, Pray, Love . (I didn't watch the movie. I wanted to have that book in my head...

Alright. Maybe I’ll be able to actually put on paper in a someone legible sense what it is that I’ve been trying to explain to myself. and Louis. But mostly myself. I’m freaked out. I have moments of fear and I can’t (or couldn’t) figure out what was going on in this mess of hormones, chemicals, and neuron-receptors or whatever. I guess I’ve always been slightly sensitive since the first weird strike/protest that I experienced. In my world, your work and home was safe, and the thought of anything otherwise made me uneasy. If I’d hear what sounds like a loud group of people, usually in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “Oh, crap. Is this a protest?”. And then, not really on purpose, I kind of beat myself up for being scared of something so petty. I mean, strikes happen here all the time. Like 95…no 97% of those strikes/protests are more than likely peaceful. But the “threat” of what can happen, in a split second, is becoming a bigger issue for me…without me even realiz...

I have a bit of an obsessive side when it comes to my travel itineraries. I need to print every single peice of paper that I might need (and anyone that is travelling with me) and file it in the same order as the travel. Train schedules, Google maps, activities in the area, restaurants I might go to (along with a Google map). On top of that, I download the calendar for the month and type in my flight and train times (departure and arrival), the name of the hotel (if I'm staying at one), and any planned appointments or activities I have. This gets to be the first page of my very thick travel package. I sort of feel dorky. I could easily use my cell phone, computer, iPod to track these appointments, but I'm not happy unless I have that printed off calendar. Today I had a few extra minutes and I typed up my calendar. After typing everything in....I realized that maybe I'm not all that weird (ok, I am. But its still a lot of freaking stuff to remember). May 29 1. Confirmatio...

Last December I paid a ridiculous amount of money to have my data from my (broken) external hard drive to a new external hard drive. Just recently I went through some of the restored pictures. I CAN'T BELEIVE HOW DIFFERENT THINGS ARE. I can't beleive how much has happened in the last two and a half years. The life-lessons I've learned (sometimes the hard way). The new people in my life. The people that are no longer in my life. The places I've been. The moments that I've missed because I've been so far away. The opportunities that I've had. The things that I've seen. The experiences I've had. Back in the day (pre-Madagascar), I had no idea that so many things could change and so many things could be so un-perfect and that I'd still be happy.

I have a few hobbies, some of which are: Running (although it's kind of a love/hate relationship I have going on) Blogging (I've decided this can be a legit hobby) Travelling (at least while I'm a rotational expat. I don't think I'll be able to keep up my travelling as much when I work in Canada). Shopping at Walmart (This must be a hobby because I go there at least three times when I'm in Canada. Sometimes I just end up buying a water, but I love seeing all the cool and super cheap stuff they have) Worrying Yes. Worrying is my hobby. It's not one that I'm proud of. I could be classified as an expert worrier. I may even be able to go pro if it becomes more mainstream. I've read books, talked to doctors, taken medication, talked to cousellars, taken herbal supplements, (Did you know people that are anxious are lacking Magnesium? I read more about that and found it incredibly interesting!), done yoga, and done accupuncture. Just to name a few. ...

I somehow forgot to post an entire day's worth of climbing! As a "practice" we were climbing to 4500 m and then back down. By now, you've read enough about climbing, so I'll just post the picture, and what I think I was thinking at the time. "My Camelpack is f*cking dripping all over me. I'm f*cking cold and my long johns smell like zombies." "Right. Remember to take pictures as I go. Here's one of the camp." "I am walking so slow, but can't breathe. How does this work? Why am I winded?!!" "Yes. I totally understand that this is like so easy for you. But you don't have to be so cocky while I sit on the ground trying to breathe. I'd like to see you in a snow storm!" "I will get to the top to protect my baby elephant penguin husband and penguin egg!" "That is the camp!?!??! All the way down there!?!?! I'll never make it down!" "What a good id...

I go through phases. Like everyone, probably. But my phase right now has been, What's wrong with me and why aren't I blissfully happy? Here's my own rant, and my own advice, to myself, and to anyone else that feels likes like they want to read my crazy tonight. I've been looking at my life like some kind of calculus equation. If,  x 2 +y x (z 2 ) - 12 = maximized happiness. x is? y is? z is ? I've been feeling like I'm on some kind of quest to identify the variables, when, if I just sat back, instead of trying to solve the problem, the end answer of x, y, and z is: It Really Doesn't F*cking Matter (I really do think an Fbomb is warranted there). As long as I continue to breathe, wake up, do whatever it is that I've been doing, everything else will work itself out. Cause that's how it's worked for the last 31 years and things have turned out pretty good. (Can someone remind me of this when I'm having a meltdown in three days ...

I’m really tired, and when I’m really tired I’m partial to moodiness, crankiness (maybe that’s the same thing?), and just general weirdness. Sometimes I’m not quite sure how to handle a working situation like this. I feel like my down time is becoming less and less. Should I continue with this expatriate lifestyle, I think I need to seriously consider becoming residential and not rotational. Yes, it means less holidays (like more than half!!!) but I might get a better quality of life.     Residents work hours are 8h00 to 17h00, Monday to Friday, and they get all national holidays off (I think there are at LEAST twelve during the year). This would also mean that I don’t get to have all over the world holidays. Or if I do…it means that I pay for them myself. Which isn’t the end of the world.     I took the option to work 6h30 to 18h30 instead of 7h00 to 19h00 (and actually fought for it!) so that I can get a run in a few times a week, but I’m still adapting to ...

Well, it's been an...interesting cruise. The cruise was initially booked for a friend's wedding but was changed to just a grandparent/grandaughter vacation. I don't think that's an often occurence, so I consider myself pretty lucky. I haven't had a ton of time to spend with my family in the last 2+years. We talk on the phone, see each other when I'm visiting Canada, but not like...any significant amount of time. So I'm glad we got to hang out and even better hang out on a ship in Hawaii! Tonight we were talking how things are different for me. My grandparents observe a quieter, more cautious me. This could be in part due to jetlag and sea sickness, but I notice a difference in myself in these types of situations too. Sometimes I think I've adjusted too much to life in the jungle, and then when I'm out of it, I sit back and observe more and participate less. I'm not saying this is a good or a bad thing. But, I kinda feel like...the clichéd ...